I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
