Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
