alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
