When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
