i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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