We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize