I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The beer is more important than you right now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
