Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
