Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
