White coat. Heels.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
