one might say we're banned from that church
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
