i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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