Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
