remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
