i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
