If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
