hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
