The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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