OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize