I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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