I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
