Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
