Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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