Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
