Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
