i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
