dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize