I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize