Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
