my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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