Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize