Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
