why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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