I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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