i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
