I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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