I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
