Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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