He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have aggressive nipples.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize