finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
