If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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