I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
MIDGETS
????
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
