Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
