Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
