I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize