So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
