woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have tasted many bathrooms
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
