she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
