"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
