Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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