I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i think im in europe. pls send help
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
