Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
