Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
