how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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