I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
ok first of all what the fuck
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
