dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
