I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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