After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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