She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
