oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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