My room smells like vodka and shame
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
