ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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