Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
