I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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