it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
