If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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