What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
