Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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