Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
