Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
