my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize