Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
