so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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