The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
