party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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