I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
